Life is relationships and for many people, relationships are a struggle and drain their life force, rather than nourishing and nurturing them. While our relational patterns vary with different people, we have general ways of engagement. Some healthier than others. To enjoy greater fulfillment and intimacy, “letting go of the rope” is a potent way of shifting dynamics in our relationships.
Holding Onto the Rope, as a Metaphor
Holding onto the rope is a pattern. Subconscious. Past life energies. This is a metaphor, if you will, of playing tug of war, of having an unhealthy connection. My friend likened our relationships with certain people such as parents and siblings as holding onto the rope and asked me, “what if we just let it go?” A minor adjustment as he would call it. Minor adjustment, major transformation.
Playing tug of war, over time, becomes the modus operandi in some of our relationships. What we are trying to do is to pull the balance of power toward ourselves, obsessively convincing the other person of our point of view, experiences, and identity. To validate our existence, our right to exist.
Isn’t it interesting that we push/pull against those close to us to be closer? Thinking this is how we dissolve patterns and deepen our interactions. We are actually banging our head on the wall to break through. Sometimes we humans like to challenge ourselves and do things the hard way, right?
Why Let Go
Here’s the thing. Knowing we are here for now, and for a purpose, comes from our core, our centre. It’s a deep inner knowing and acceptance. No one can claim that for us. External validation falters and can never fill up any emptiness we may feel. Seeking approval from others can also be fueled by grief and anger that underline a sense of separation. We may find this seeking in compulsive actions and addictions, vying for connection and to feel something. Yes, even pain and confusion. This, however, is not the only way to be, despite past experiences and popular culture.
We are social beings and we learn and grow in relationships. With other people, we can get conditioned, pressured, and hurt. We can also see who we are, what we project onto others, and yes, we can heal, bringing light and consciousness to our insecurities and fears of unworthiness, rejection, and abandonment. Some people are mirrors. Others may push us to grow through friction. Still others may just hold the space for us to rediscover ourselves. Perhaps as beacons of light, modeling what else is possible.
Who is tired of banging their head against the wall? Ready to try something different? Instead of living in a looping pattern that obviously doesn’t work, what if we move with possibility and potential?
Yes I’m suggesting that we simply let go of the rope. Let go of this old way of being with others that has actually kept us separate. I believe we can first decide to no longer participate, with the intention and courage to shift these dynamics. And no, it does not matter what the other person does. What do we choose? It all starts with us.
Shifting Dynamics : Letting Go of the Rope
This old pattern may have been the only way we’ve known how to relate to the other person. It is scary to let that drop, to move out of the familiar. We fear the loss of control, power, attention, and possibly love. That is, love as we know it. Another friend shared this quote from a movie that love is an ability.
Love is not a feeling, Mr. Burns. It’s an abilityMarty Barasco, Dan in Real Life
When we do disengage, we are shifting the dynamics. We more easily allow for space to appear and organically grow, for something new to manifest. To explore the potential. We release this stranglehold on our relationship and we stop keeping both people prisoners.
We can let go by remembering this is all a game, releasing the pressure valve to be a certain way. Let’s all stop being so serious. Laugh! This person – these labels we have assumed – isn’t who we truly are. We are not defined by our supposed successes and failures in this material realm. We aren’t this body. Or the scars and wounds. They are experiences we have chosen as incarnated souls.
Whether someone accepts, approves, or loves us does not make us more or less lovable or worthy. The biggest barrier to love is the one we put up to feel safe, in our ivory tower. This stops us from receiving love. The tower must crumble. So that we may meet ourselves and each other, eye to eye, heart to heart. And the thing is – we are only playing tug of war with ourselves, with all the ways we feel small.
It’s time for shifting our relationship dynamics. Showing up fully and engaging with people from our heart space is a powerful way to create deep changes for ourselves, people in our lives, and in our outer world.