The question of “why” came up in our 30-day yoga journey with Adrienne Mischler so here we are.
This “why” can be on many levels – why are we doing the 30-day yoga challenge, why do we want more flexibility, why do we continue to step onto the mat, why do we live as we do?
What Therapy articles has its share of “why”. Take a peek at these titles.
What kind of whys do you ponder?
Why did my dessert dumplings fall apart? Why aren’t they round?
What about my cat, why does she not like this food, why did she stop liking raw?
Why is this happening? Why am I not responding?
Some questions are easier to answer. Others really have no answer, and chasing those questions will not bring peace or resolution.
Starting with Why
By now, you’ve probably either heard about or read Simon Sinek’s book Start with Why. If you haven’t, check out these quick resources from Shortform and Fresh Works. Since his book, we’ve seen personal branding become a thing and companies focus on selling you their “why”. Even though it’s become a “necessary” part of marketing, knowing the why isn’t just for companies. Knowing our why is important for the individual.
Revealing the why of the many actions and beliefs we have gives us tremendous insight of where and who we are. Perhaps we have been feeling out of alignment. It shows where we have been vulnerable to conditioning forces and external pressures. According to Human Design, the way we are wired means we have one of several primary ways to make decisions. It may be splenic hits, gut responses, or sound boarding, for example. About half of us require time, to reach emotional clarity.
If you aren’t into Human Design, our life experiences have probably bore out the same truth. When we make decisions to release pressures or to meet expectations, we run into internal conflict and external resistance. It can be speaking, giving advice, when not invited or finishing projects quickly just to get rid of that push. It may be choosing careers to please our parents, or just trusting their interpretation of who we are, over what we feel within. ( And we have the right to not know, as we embark on our own unique journeys.) How many people have made decisions because of peer or societal pressure?
The Why of What We do & Being Unique
In my personal and professional encounters, one common question I get asked is “what is my purpose” and “what is my superpower.” Yes, “superpower” is an effective marketing tool, same with “archetype” because so many people love to know about themselves. They take all kinds of personality typing tests, what movie stars they look like, what animal they’d be, et. Some are for fun, for sure. No judgment, just an observation. I’ve taken my share of fun online quizzes.
It may feel like everyone wants to stand out and be special; yet many people, even the same people, are afraid of their uniqueness when it comes down to it. When people are promoting “wealth codes” and marketing to those parts of us we want different, it is easy to continue looking outside of ourselves for satisfaction, peace, and success.
What to do with the Whys
Contemplation is a powerful tool and practice. We naturally pause in the day, giving us multiple opportunities to exhale and hold lightly in our minds a scenario, an encounter, an idea. This allows us to engage with ourselves on a deeper level.
The challenge is to expend life force on questions that are correct for us. It is easy to dive down all kinds of rabbit holes, get distracted, confused, and even angry, while being stuck. With constant (social) media, the shiny ball syndrome is real. Many people battle FOMO, fear of missing out. Mental health has certainly taken a hit over the past few years, though the dent into self-esteem began long ago. Our health and wellbeing deteriorate over time when we direct our life force into endeavours and thought experiments not aligned with who we are.
Relax the Mind
I have an open head centre so perhaps by design, lots of ideas and inspiration constantly flood my mind. This happens to many people, of course. The wisdom I’m here to embody, however, is knowing what is correct for me to think about and question. With the majority of the world having an undefined head centre, chances are you may also be struggling to answer every question and hearing thoughts not your own, without being aware of it.
Pursuing everything that feels exciting in the moment is not the proper use of my life force. It can lead me down paths that are frustrating and full of resistance. Resistance is a primary signpost that I’ve made a decision with my mind or to release a pressure. Maybe it is embarking on a project which you believe will monetize, with the underlying belief that in this world, making money is of prime importance and there are only so many ways of doing that.
What I have found in my experiment to be useful is relaxing my mind. Be the observer and watch these ideas and thoughts float in and out. I don’t need to know anything preemptively, at least not strategically for me. I don’t need to answer every question that crosses my mind or actualize every inspiration. What I require, the Universe provides for me. Someone will explain it, whether in the following few minutes or at a later date. Events will unfold to guide me along. Watching this happen is rather delightful and delicious. The first time I saw this unfold, I was actually giddy! It could have been the mountain air, while driving through Northern California.
Relaxing the mind means trusting life. Trusting life, for most of us, means dropping beliefs we have about how the world works. That what is real is as reality appears to be. Life is a mystery that unfolds, rather than a puzzle to solve. This need to solve is old consciousness, where people had to strategize to survive.
Next time a question pops up, exhale, drop your shoulders, and relax your mind. Observe and allow the universe to show you what you require. Keep breathing fully. Breathing through these times can feel challenging. All that pressure, that inner voice, or maybe it’s someone else’s voice! The breath is powerful; we can breathe through anything. I also like holding my thumb and fingers, a great way to harmonize all the organ energies and attitudes we have.
A lot of questions are not our own. We may ask them, sure. How were they seeded? Do they come from a lack of self-esteem or self-love? Self-doubt drives us to look outside for affirmation and assurances. Whose expectations are you wanting to meet? Whose acceptance, understanding, or love?
Do your whys come from the belief you don’t belong in this world? That you aren’t doing “enough” to succeed? Or that you could be doing this or that to make more money? What does money mean to you? What is abundance and prosperity?
While many people have questions along the line of “why isn’t this working”, “why bother” is a question to be mindful of. A sense of resignation or apathy reflects life force that is stuck somewhere. “Giving up” on something can be correct when we realize it is not aligned with who we are. This part of surrendering to what life has for us is not the same as giving up.
Write down your most frequent questions. Then see if you can map them to your timeline, perhaps an event, an impactful encounter or conversation. Observe any patterns that may play out in your life or arise in your awareness after this exercise. We are not looking for blame; we are looking for likely sources of patterns.
I love digging into Human Design and Gene Keys. Our Human Design bodygraph shows where we are open to conditioning forces and pressures. From young, we develop strategies to cope with overwhelming emotions, whether our own or others’, with this need to have mental certainty, and with feeling a lack of direction and love, for instance. Even an intro Human Design session diving into your design can shed a lot of light and initiate you into your own experiment and journey of self-discovery.
The Venus Sequence of the Gene Keys also reveals helpful and even surprising information. Among many aspects, here we look at the IQ, SQ, and EQ, the three imprinting cycles of seven years from birth to 21 years of age. This sequence is a powerful one to journey through on your own, taking your time to sit with each bit of information. When we touch on a truth, it is released. This is a sequence I revisit from time to time. I invite you to take the leap and embark on the Venus Sequence. I also provide a brief report about your Venus Sequence for you to begin your contemplation. It is profound what we discover about our patterns, strategies, ways of communicating. What is possible when we open our hearts?