On Self-Enquiry with Coach, Author, and Poet Tasneem Kagalwalla

What Therapy speaks with Tasneem Kagalwalla about self-enquiry, her process of writing, a new book, and asking 30 questions over 30 days.

WHY IS SELF-ENQUIRY IMPORTANT?

Along this journey called life we go through many moments. Many phases. During these many stages, there are positive and negative events that often occur unexpectedly and frequently remain unexplained.

We are, of course, overjoyed when positive events come our way that contribute something to our wellbeing. The unexpected raise or promotion at work or a personal success such as a new romantic relationship. However negative events or developments, not surprisingly, are more difficult to process and for some, require considerable effort to accept.

Self-enquiry becomes very important then.

It is used as a very effective technique to investigate our inner selves so that we can advance in our personal growth and self-development. In that sense it is not only limited to inner questioning. Neither is it only an exercise in thought, the art of mindfulness. It is much more.

This dive within is a practice of inner exploration which drives and supports the growth of our authenticity. It is thus a key tool for uncovering authentic needs and values. Moreover, it is one of the best methods to discover the limiting beliefs, patterns, impressions, and false identifications that we have (consciously or) unconsciously imbibed along the way, which hold us in the grip of inauthentic living. This ability of IN-quiry is an empowering act of challenging the self in order to facilitate being the best version of ourselves.

The resulting action get our wheels churning and in turn help us see the choices and decisions we’ve been making and the ones we’d like to make from now on.

HOW DO YOU USE ENQUIRY AS A COACH WITH YOUR CLIENTS?

Most effective practices of coaching begin with effective self-enquiry. It is the first step. And this is done using many proven techniques, one of them being, effective questioning.

It is rightly said, where you look has a lot to do with what you find.

It was with this intention that I recently ran the “30 days – 30 questions” series on Facebook and other social media platforms. Sometimes our biggest “aha” moments come from someone asking us a powerful question. All at once everything seems to make a little more sense. Somewhere within perspective shifts and you just know what you need to do from there on.

Taking action is easier from that point in time.

As a Master NLP Practitioner and Trainer, I understand that one of the main benefits of this essential probing is the identification of the root cause/s of the problem, that one critical brick that needs to fall in order to break through the wall. The unveiling of self-awareness/realization is an essential driver to augment positive change.

It is only thereafter that the journey of achieving one’s outcomes, goals, and ideal results begin.

YOU ARE ALSO A POET AND PUBLISHED AUTHOR. CAN YOU TELL US ABOUT YOUR BOOK?

Ah yes! What a journey she has been.

Windows of Reflection. This book is a collection of simple poetry that enables one to look within and beyond.

It is an invitation to go deep within yourself and discover not only those parts that need to be celebrated, appreciated or valued but also recognize those that were ignored, denied or abandoned in the process of growing up.

“For you see, our relationships with hurt and pain are often skewed. They are mostly viewed as an intrinsic failure of the self, certainly of the other and definitely of life. But hurt and pain need to be redefined. Its entry, its presence and its ability to transform the self is phenomenally outstanding. There is nothing more pivotal in the journey of conscious living than the understanding, integration and evolution of hurt and pain.

Windows of Reflection articulates how pain can in fact be used as a vehicle of growth. For hurt is not something that is so dark and dire and disruptive, something to be avoided at all costs. On the contrary, it is something that is profound, inevitable, intrinsic, and quite possibly, one of the most powerful portals of consciousness we can have.”

As such, this book really has no beginning, middle or end. Windows of Reflection is in fact a journey; one which walks you through the deepest thoughts of your heart, the farthest reaches of your imagination, across the tenderness of your love and the nakedness of your soul.

It allows you to enter a still and quiet state of contemplation through which you will eventually emerge – if you allow yourself – into a more quintessential “you.”

I am extremely humbled and honored to have had Dr. Shefali Tsabary, New York Times’ Best Selling Author and Oprah’s favourite Parenting Expert, pen the foreword for my book. She calls it, “a soul searchers delight.”

HOW DOES ART INFLUENCE YOUR LIFE AND WELLBEING?

Art is important for life and wellbeing because beauty has a role in our lives. We are all inspired and influenced by various forms of art. Some prefer spending hours at a time playing an instrument, others write, read, paint, dance, and so forth.

For me art is predominantly writing.

And writing to me is a practice of mindfulness. I internalize. I observe. I notice. And largely, I feel.

We all have questions. Writing is how I find answers. It is self-immersive. Self-healing. It is freedom. In the passionate pursuing of my art, time seems to disappear, it is suspended. It is not that I want to do it – I need to do it.

For it helps me connect with and deal with my feelings. It helps me reach into largely unconscious parts of my mind, experience and express dimensions of myself which otherwise would remain buried and unspoken. It helps me get a handle on my emotions that are, to borrow a word from T.S. Eliot, “undisciplined,” and therefore inarticulate. Through it I find my voice. And through my words, I can better shape my true identity. As writing is not just self-expression; it is also self-creation.

Truly then, it is a transcendental experience for me.